When you have a kid, parenting lessons sometimes come from unlikely sources.
Last month, I finished an eight-week digital photography workshop at the New England School of Photography. It was a great experience and I learned a lot about photography. As I look back on it, I realize that many of the principles of being a good photographer also apply to being a good parent. Here are five things photography has taught me about parenting.
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| My baby is my sole focus |
1. Focus on what's important, crop what's not. In photography, there are certain shots where your subject is in sharp focus while the foreground or background is intentionally blurred. Parenting is like one of those shots: your baby is your main focal point. Everything else in the picture is blurry, so as not to distract from what's most important. In order to focus on being a new dad, I've put many of my interests--including
traveling and
drumming--on the back burner.
Over time, some of these interests will come back into focus; others may not. That's because in addition to focusing, first-time parents have to learn how to crop. There are only so many hours in the day; work, sleep, and baby account for most of them. The little remaining time left should be devoted to a few, important activities. Right now, for me, those activities are blogging and starting a business. The less significant elements on the periphery should be cropped. If they're not adding anything to the picture, they're just a distraction.
2. You have to fail in order to succeed. My photography instructor said that if you print two percent of the photos you take, you're doing pretty well. In other words, even good photographers take bad photos.
*Lots* of bad photos. Because each shot is unique, you have to experiment with your exposure, lighting, and composition until you get it right. Parenting is no different. Especially for first-time dads and moms, it's a trial and error process. Because I had no idea what I was doing in the early days, I would try anything and everything until I found something that worked. In the rare cases where I exhausted all rational options, I would even try to
rationalize with my baby. Unfortunately, like photography, when you do find something that works, there's no guarantee it will work the next time because each situation is unique.
3. When things get shaky, you need support. Without getting too technical, certain shots require a tripod. Otherwise, holding the camera with your hands creates "camera shake" -- an unintentional blur that ruins an otherwise good picture. Likewise, it's not uncommon for things to get a little shaky for new parents. That's OK. You can't possibly do or know everything on your own. In these situations, it's perfectly acceptable to lean on your support network, whether friends, relatives, co-workers, or other parents you interact with on social networking sites like
Twitter. They have been through the same things and can offer valuable guidance and support. In many cases, they simply reassure you that what you or your baby is going through is normal. That, in itself, goes a long way.
4. Blink and you might miss it. Cameras today are so powerful that they can literally "freeze" an object or person moving at high speeds. But no matter how good cameras get, there will always be the human element. With a fast-moving object, you can blink--just for a second--and miss the shot of a lifetime. When you have a kid,
time moves at warp speed. Unfortunately, there's nothing to freeze life, so if you blink or look away just long enough, you might miss a precious memory or an important milestone. The key is just to spend as much time as possible with your kid. Get up earlier. Leave work on time. Don't eat dinner until after the baby goes to bed. The more you're around, the less you'll miss.
5. Get out of automatic mode. My photography instructor loved to refer to the camera's automatic mode as the "green square of death". He couldn't be more right. When you shoot in automatic mode, you let the camera do all the work. As a result, you're not really being a photographer. Because time moves so fast or because no one likes to fail or for whatever other reasons, it can be easy to go into automatic mode as a parent. When that happens, snap out of it! Take control and be active. Sure, you might take more bad shots, but at least they are yours. And when you do succeed, it will be all the more rewarding.
So that's what photography has taught me about parenting. From what unlikely sources have you found parenting lessons or inspiration?
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